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Lysa Black

The Kick Back of Generational Wounding

By | Heart Magic, Lysa Black | No Comments

We all see the area’s where our parents made mistakes, but how often do we recognise the area’s where they did make progress? Every generation bears the unhealed wounds of their predecessors; this becomes the burden and blessing for up-coming generations. As we meet with the unresolved wounding from our family line we gain an opportunity to bring light forward to our posterity at the same time that we beam light back to our ancestors.

I was keenly aware of my parent’s short-comings as a young girl; I saw the area’s where they struggled to be truthful, honest and hold integrity. It was easy to view their short-comings in judgment as a fresh new soul upon earth’s terrain. As I grew older the stories of their up-bringing shed light on many of the conditions and back-story of my parents lives. Still, I rationalized that we all have a choice to decide how we will respond to the circumstances that we find ourselves in.

Now as a 33 year old, with two young children and a 9 year marriage – I respect the complexity of life in a way that escaped me as a child. Sleepless nights, ill health, financial responsibilities can sometimes mount and bear a level of pressure that can see the best of intentions fade to the momentary short-cuts that appear as a false oasis.

My experience has softened my heart and opened me to a new level of compassion; and there is one glaringly obvious aspect of generational wounding that had escaped me: The wounding my parents healed. Whether it was the limited choices that met one parent, and the boundless freedom that was then passed on… Or the physical violence that was curbed and replaced with verbal aggression… I was blind to all the ways that my parents had bravely transmuted the shadow their parents couldn’t heal.

The effects of healing those wounds were not visible to me; it was only the unhealed aspects which seized upon my attention.

Today, I honor a sacred process we are all deeply intertwined in experiencing together. As individuals, we seek to heal throughout our lives the aspects that our parents were unable to heal, we pass this light and fortitude onto our children so they are not aware of the shadow effects of those healed wounds that we knew through our parents. Likewise, those aspects that we cannot heal in our own lifetime fall upon the shoulders of our children. This perspective is often bemoaned; the idea of our children bearing the brunt of our unhealed aspects can cause us physical discomfort, and yet – I want to speak honestly about my deep gratitude that we can support one another throughout time to shed light on all the area’s our ancestors couldn’t heal alone in their lifetimes.

Rather than fear the responsibility our children hold to heal what we cannot – I want to celebrate the idea that our spiritual seniors are helping us to take the load of we cannot bear and devote their lifetime to sending brighter light back to us and all those who have gone before us. These precious children coming through are potent, wild and free; they have a stamina and ferocious dedication to truth, honesty and integrity that is awe inspiring. We are each here to carry that load that we are each fit to bear, removing every unnecessary burden for our posterity while trusting in their up-coming light to bring healing to the aspects that are beyond us in this lifetime.

I want to celebrate the kickback of light that my parents gave to me and their ancestors by their willingness to transmute many wounded aspects from their parents, and likewise their parents before them. I honor the bright fierce lights that are coming through in this generation who are primed and capable of blasting through aspects that caused us to wince – could they face the remaining wounding if we had not cleared certain aspects before them?

May we honor those who have gone before and respect they carried the portion they were capable of bearing. We are all delicately intertwined in an interlocking web of devotion to heal the wounding that is delegated as our sacred portion. I bow in recognition of my ancestors and their struggles to shift into higher levels of living and bravely seek to heal my portion in this lifetime – deeply grateful for the trust that our posterity is reaping the blessings of our portion and strengthened to face and heal what escaped us.

‘The Martyr Mother’

By | Heart Magic, Lysa Black | No Comments

The role of ‘Mother’ has been glorified into an expectation of limitless love and compassion, ceaseless service and unending support and sacrifice. Societal expectations re-enforce this impossible veneer of ‘Motherhood’ giving birth to its suppressed counterpart – the ‘Martyr Mother’.

As women, we are socially expected to express a narrow and limited version of what it is to be a ‘Mother’ that fails to encapsulate the full reality of the actually experience. I have personally perceived expectations upon all women including (but are not limited to):

  • I must place the physical and emotional needs of my children (and anyone else who is displaying a need for nurture) ahead of my own.
  • Regardless of my own experience, wit or intuitive knowing, I must be informed, told, taught or instructed on how to ‘be’ or ’behave’ by others outside of myself.
  • When others are hurt or in distress – they are permitted to hurt, abuse, harm or subjugate me in order to alleviate or placate their own suffering (even though this behaviour brings no true alleviation)

Has your Mother ever used emotional blackmail to force your obedience? Please forgive her; she was not taught to ask for your help or trust you to choose your own response. She was often not given any freedom to choose for herself and expected to conform without delay.

Has your Mother ever shut you out and ignored you for not being subject to her will? Please forgive her; she was no shown how to honor the choices and wishes of others. Her freedom to express herself individually was not provided; she was isolated and abandoned for having her own desires.

Has your Mother ever turned to you for Mothering; expecting her unspoken needs and heart’s yearnings to be perceived, accommodated and granted without request. Please forgive her; she was not told that she is the only one truly capable of loving, accepting and cultivating herself. Her needs and wants were perceived as selfish and frivolous and they were shunned and discounted before her eyes.

We have been raised by un-mothered Mothers who are burnt out, defeated, estranged and hopeless to varying degree’s. A part of them potentially feels like giving up on ever being loved, cared for, supported or granted permission to fulfil their own needs and heart’s yearnings.

As we confront the reality of what being a ‘Mother’ means to us individually and collectively… I am asking myself for more room to be who I am! I am asking you to consider how you can make more space for you to be who you are in your life as a Mother. I want to remind myself that it is safe and supported for me to ask for what I want and to remember that I can use my own pain and lack of love to transmute my past suffering into light. I truly wish the very same for us all.

The light of truth redeems the Martyr Mother. Freedom to be all that we are now (as Mothers) returns us to balance as we find our own wholeness. I hereby grant myself permission to be fierce and self-devoted as well as nurturing and compassionate.

Healing the Mother Wound

By | Lysa Black | No Comments

The mother wound manifests as an inability to offer ourselves what we truly need the most. Healing the mother wound involves offering ourselves powerful self-mothering. As we find out for ourselves ‘What do I need?’ and ‘How can I offer that to myself’ we enter a phase of abundance, hope and finally feel a sense of being loved.

If our Mother was unable (for whatever reason) to fulfil our needs, we hope that our needs will be met by someone else. We seek that other person who’ll provide it for us. We seek out a best friend, a lover, an angelic child or the job that will bring us what we ‘need’…

Hidden beneath our searching is a secret hope that someday someone will fulfil our need to be: seen, heard, held, known, nurtured and cared for.

I am writing this because I was seeking for someone outside of me to fulfil my needs. I did it for decades until I faced the truth: Nobody was going to give me what I had been denied while I still denied it to myself.

Nobody around you can impart anything that will reach our hearts until we first show up and choose to give ourselves what we need most. As I invested in me and gave myself what I truly needed – It likewise showed up in my life – It was being reflected back by those around me in abundant and generous supply.

Once I truly looked to myself to fulfil my own needs first, I attracted a stream of people who would help me, hear me, love me, accept me and hold me in grace and compassion.

Healing the mother wound involves finding out:

What do I need?
How can I offer that to myself (A powerful act of self-mothering)
How can I allow myself to receive it?

I promise if you can even bring yourself 5% of what you need – the whole universe will conspire to match your investment and you’ll manifest confirming miracles that you can have exactly what you truly do need.

Healing the Father Wound

By | Lysa Black | No Comments

If ‘The Mother Wound’ affects our ability to feel nurtured, loved and cared for… ‘The Father Wound’ affects our ability to feel protected, provided for and safe. How our Father related to us in his presence or absence has a huge affect on how worthy of being taken care of we feel within ourselves as adults.

‘The Father Wound’ will show itself in our financial position: how we relate to money; how we receive money and use money. It reveals itself in how we relate to men in society and in our intimate relationships. And it also shows up in our relationship with our own sensuality and sexuality. ‘The Father Wound’ is often unrecognised because this wound leaves such a wide diversity of symptoms.

How does this wound form?

As we perceive how our Father relates to us, we notice when certain parts of us are ‘favoured’, and when others’ are ‘rejected’ or deemed ‘undesirable’. We thus learn what parts of ourselves are ‘worthy’ or ‘deserving’ and what parts it’s safer to ‘push down’ and ‘reject’. From what we observed (sometimes accurately and sometimes inaccurately) we choose to adjust ourselves to appeal to his preference (or react and reject his disapproval of us – by becoming rebellious).

For example, it’s common for some women to reject their femininity or sensuality because of the change in their Father’s behavior towards them as they entered puberty. Left unreconciled and unreviewed our perception of our own safety and worthiness in relationship to our femininity and sensuality can be affected for a lifetime.

Healing the Father Wound involves reviewing the secret judgments we feel our Father’s made about all of the parts of us, and allowing ourselves as mature women to reclaim and own our truth despite his perception of us.

IDEALLY:

  • Fathers are able to hold their daughters in love and affection (being emotionally provided for)
  • Allowing all of her aspects to be received and accepted (supporting us to feel protected)
  • Which enables these women to call on all parts of themselves to navigate life safely (knowing we are truly safe to be who we are)

No matter what we experienced, be it mild or severe, we innately hold the power to heal our own perception of these ‘parts’ of ourselves.

It’s our birthright to:

1.) Feel safe to be all that we are
2.) To love and treasure ourselves so we feel protected to be who we are
3.) To use all of our being to thrive and prosper and thus provide for ourselves.

Healing to allow receiving

By | Lysa Black | No Comments

We’ve been told to ‘ask and receive’… The back story is that ‘receiving’ has a history for every one of us. We all have experiences that have influenced the unconscious feelings that we have around allowing ourselves to ‘receive’ or ‘manifest’. Consider some of the following situations…

  • Did you receive a present that you didn’t like and felt pressured to ‘pretend’ that you liked it?
  • Have you ever been coaxed through ‘hard work’ to endure sufficiently before you were ‘allowed’ to receive what you wanted? (I.E. Does hard work thus ‘entitle you to receive’?)
  • Were you given a gift that also held an unspoken expectation of good behavior or the assumption of a favor owed?

I have experienced all of the above and naturally for the sake of self-preservation I ‘closed’ myself off from:

1.) Acknowledging what I did truly want (wasn’t it better if I didn’t know?!)
2.) Receiving for fear of ‘unknown’ ‘unspecified’ expectations/conditions

Does this make it seem more easy to understand why ‘receiving’ or ‘manifesting’ is not quite the ‘Ask – Receive’ simplicity we seek to affirm?

May I suggest a few games to play to open your ‘receiving’ capacity?

A.) Give yourself a ‘only for me’ allowance of $x every week (I once paid myself $50 every week for one year to teach myself that it was safe to spend money on myself and allow myself to have what I truly wanted!)

B.) Get a BIG white A4 sheet of paper and allow yourself to WRITE down all the things that your heart longs for – even if they seem impossible, unrealistic or ‘absurd’

C.) Allow yourself to honestly speak freely and say ‘No’ to what doesn’t support you and release yourself from the burden of ‘buying gifts’ out of a sense of ‘reciprocative’ guilt (Yep – I just made that term up! lol). Your free to use your lovely money how you want – Not to buy something because someone else bought you something first!

My whole soul is dedicated to supporting the deeply feeling highly sensitive hearts to live a life where they feel safe, supported and powerful enough to shine in their full truth and receive everything that they desire!