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Heart Magic

The Kick Back of Generational Wounding

By | Heart Magic, Lysa Black | No Comments

We all see the area’s where our parents made mistakes, but how often do we recognise the area’s where they did make progress? Every generation bears the unhealed wounds of their predecessors; this becomes the burden and blessing for up-coming generations. As we meet with the unresolved wounding from our family line we gain an opportunity to bring light forward to our posterity at the same time that we beam light back to our ancestors.

I was keenly aware of my parent’s short-comings as a young girl; I saw the area’s where they struggled to be truthful, honest and hold integrity. It was easy to view their short-comings in judgment as a fresh new soul upon earth’s terrain. As I grew older the stories of their up-bringing shed light on many of the conditions and back-story of my parents lives. Still, I rationalized that we all have a choice to decide how we will respond to the circumstances that we find ourselves in.

Now as a 33 year old, with two young children and a 9 year marriage – I respect the complexity of life in a way that escaped me as a child. Sleepless nights, ill health, financial responsibilities can sometimes mount and bear a level of pressure that can see the best of intentions fade to the momentary short-cuts that appear as a false oasis.

My experience has softened my heart and opened me to a new level of compassion; and there is one glaringly obvious aspect of generational wounding that had escaped me: The wounding my parents healed. Whether it was the limited choices that met one parent, and the boundless freedom that was then passed on… Or the physical violence that was curbed and replaced with verbal aggression… I was blind to all the ways that my parents had bravely transmuted the shadow their parents couldn’t heal.

The effects of healing those wounds were not visible to me; it was only the unhealed aspects which seized upon my attention.

Today, I honor a sacred process we are all deeply intertwined in experiencing together. As individuals, we seek to heal throughout our lives the aspects that our parents were unable to heal, we pass this light and fortitude onto our children so they are not aware of the shadow effects of those healed wounds that we knew through our parents. Likewise, those aspects that we cannot heal in our own lifetime fall upon the shoulders of our children. This perspective is often bemoaned; the idea of our children bearing the brunt of our unhealed aspects can cause us physical discomfort, and yet – I want to speak honestly about my deep gratitude that we can support one another throughout time to shed light on all the area’s our ancestors couldn’t heal alone in their lifetimes.

Rather than fear the responsibility our children hold to heal what we cannot – I want to celebrate the idea that our spiritual seniors are helping us to take the load of we cannot bear and devote their lifetime to sending brighter light back to us and all those who have gone before us. These precious children coming through are potent, wild and free; they have a stamina and ferocious dedication to truth, honesty and integrity that is awe inspiring. We are each here to carry that load that we are each fit to bear, removing every unnecessary burden for our posterity while trusting in their up-coming light to bring healing to the aspects that are beyond us in this lifetime.

I want to celebrate the kickback of light that my parents gave to me and their ancestors by their willingness to transmute many wounded aspects from their parents, and likewise their parents before them. I honor the bright fierce lights that are coming through in this generation who are primed and capable of blasting through aspects that caused us to wince – could they face the remaining wounding if we had not cleared certain aspects before them?

May we honor those who have gone before and respect they carried the portion they were capable of bearing. We are all delicately intertwined in an interlocking web of devotion to heal the wounding that is delegated as our sacred portion. I bow in recognition of my ancestors and their struggles to shift into higher levels of living and bravely seek to heal my portion in this lifetime – deeply grateful for the trust that our posterity is reaping the blessings of our portion and strengthened to face and heal what escaped us.

The 13 Traits of a Natural Healer

By | Heart Magic | 2 Comments

1. Your driven to help

Natural healers are driven to help in any way they can. They have a keen sense for the needs of those around them and find joy in being able to help where they can. There are so many different ways that we can feel inclined to help; if you see yourself regularly helping those around you this is a strong indication that you are a natural healer.

Do I see myself consistently helping others? Yes/No

2. You feel deeply

Feeling deeply can often feel like a curse for those of us blessed with highly sensitive hearts. If you’ve recognised strong emotional responses within yourself you are possibly a ‘HSP’: a highly sensitive person. Highly sensitive people are highly attuned to energy, emotion, light and sound. Those who feel deeply are often highly in tune with the truth of what is really occurring in other people’s hearts and lives. Rather than see this as a curse, my personal belief if that our deeply feeling hearts give us a unique capacity to love others deeply.

Do I feel deeply? Yes/No

3. You love to progress

Having a natural desire to see progress in your life and the lives of those you love is a reflection of the potentiality that you are a healer. Do you love progress and change? A healer loves truth, and those who see life as an opportunity to progress and improve are often those will the natural healing gift.

Do I love progress? Yes/No

4. You speak the truth

I define a Healer as a ‘Truth Speaker’: Someone who loves sharing truth regularly with those around you. If you have found the courage to share your perspective on what’s really happening, how you really feel or an insight into the true nature of a problem – you are ‘Truth Speaker’. This tendency to speak the truth is definitely the hallmark of a true healer!

Do love to speak the truth? Yes/No

5. You know when someone is lying

A true healer also has enhanced perceptual abilities that allow them to discern when someone is lying. Whether you say something or not, if you can tell when someone is lying then you may well be a healer.

Do you know when someone is lying to you? Yes/No

6. People tell you their story

Being a healer is not something we choose, it’s something we are. It’s something that we can develop, based on pre-existing qualities and aptitudes that give us a unique insight into the state of the human heart. One of the most common experiences all natural healers encounter is that people will just automatically walk up to you (even strangers) and begin to tell you their story. When we have loving compassionate hearts that genuinely care for others well-being we emit a vibrational field that let’s others know they can feel safe to speak honestly with us. If you are finding people are drawn to share their story with you – you may be a healer.

Do people regularly share their story with you? Yes/No

7. You say the words they need to hear

Do you seem to intuitively sense the precise words to use to really reach someone? Bringing forward the words of comfort, care or love that seem to reach right in and truly touch others is another sign of a natural Healer. If you have ever been shocked to see that the kind words that you share has inadvertently been exactly what that person had been hoping, praying or needing to hear it’s an indicator of your natural healing abilities.

Do you receive compliments for your kind helpful words? Yes/No

8. You see patterns

Natural Healer’s have a depth of experience in listening to the stories in others, sensing and perceiving the sacred information that you can access through your gifts – Do you recognise patterns in others: Recurring themes showing up in the hearts and lives of those who are drawn to you?

Do you see patterns in others? Yes/No

9. The wounded react to you

Just as a Healer is a bringer of truth, there will be times when those close to you react in pain when they sense your commitment to truth. Wounds are the by-product of believing lies, so those seeking healing will be drawn to you… and those who react to truth will be repelled by you. Many natural healers have wounding around their worth and lovability because of the ‘wounded’ responses of others around them. Reflect on how you feel others have responded to you and see if you resonate with this aspect of a natural healer?

Do you notice come people reacting to you? Yes/No

10. You know great loss

In order to witness and hold compassion for the suffering in others, natural Healers always face significant loss, grief and suffering personally. The darkest moments can truly cultivate your light, and as undesirable and unwanted as these experiences are they offer first hand experience comprehending the suffering and grief in others. Our own suffering is often where many of our gifts are forged.

Have you known great loss? Yes/No

11. You speak to inanimate objects and unseen beings

Natural Healers recognise the life in all matter. They can see, perceive and know the interconnectedness of all that is, and communicate with all things. If you have ever talked to animals, plants, spirits or fairies etc. They I’m happy to confirm that this is a trait of a natural Healer. It can often be the animals, plants, elements, mystical creatures and beings in the unseen world that are the friends and companions of a natural healer.

Do you speak to things others can’t communicate with? Yes/No

12. You feel like you don’t belong

The insight and perception of a natural healer often means that what they sense and know is indiscernible to some of the people around them. This can leave these natural healers feeling ‘strange’, ‘outcast’ or ‘abnormal’. As they share what they sense and know they can be ridiculed or judged and end up doubting what they know. Comparing yourself with others who do not resonate with being a ‘Healer’ is incredibly isolating. Those who are nurtured in a home where spiritual gifts and truth is openly discussed, shared and supported can. However those who have been raised in families who did not know or understand these gifts will often feel like they don’t belong.

Have you ever felt like you don’t belong? Yes/No

13. Peace is very important to you

If peace is one of your strongest desires and intentions – This is a sign that you are a natural Healer. Whether you seek for peace within or peace in your marriage, family, community or in the world – the desire for such peace is a striking confirmation that you are a natural healer.

Do you value peace? Yes/No

‘The Martyr Mother’

By | Heart Magic, Lysa Black | No Comments

The role of ‘Mother’ has been glorified into an expectation of limitless love and compassion, ceaseless service and unending support and sacrifice. Societal expectations re-enforce this impossible veneer of ‘Motherhood’ giving birth to its suppressed counterpart – the ‘Martyr Mother’.

As women, we are socially expected to express a narrow and limited version of what it is to be a ‘Mother’ that fails to encapsulate the full reality of the actually experience. I have personally perceived expectations upon all women including (but are not limited to):

  • I must place the physical and emotional needs of my children (and anyone else who is displaying a need for nurture) ahead of my own.
  • Regardless of my own experience, wit or intuitive knowing, I must be informed, told, taught or instructed on how to ‘be’ or ’behave’ by others outside of myself.
  • When others are hurt or in distress – they are permitted to hurt, abuse, harm or subjugate me in order to alleviate or placate their own suffering (even though this behaviour brings no true alleviation)

Has your Mother ever used emotional blackmail to force your obedience? Please forgive her; she was not taught to ask for your help or trust you to choose your own response. She was often not given any freedom to choose for herself and expected to conform without delay.

Has your Mother ever shut you out and ignored you for not being subject to her will? Please forgive her; she was no shown how to honor the choices and wishes of others. Her freedom to express herself individually was not provided; she was isolated and abandoned for having her own desires.

Has your Mother ever turned to you for Mothering; expecting her unspoken needs and heart’s yearnings to be perceived, accommodated and granted without request. Please forgive her; she was not told that she is the only one truly capable of loving, accepting and cultivating herself. Her needs and wants were perceived as selfish and frivolous and they were shunned and discounted before her eyes.

We have been raised by un-mothered Mothers who are burnt out, defeated, estranged and hopeless to varying degree’s. A part of them potentially feels like giving up on ever being loved, cared for, supported or granted permission to fulfil their own needs and heart’s yearnings.

As we confront the reality of what being a ‘Mother’ means to us individually and collectively… I am asking myself for more room to be who I am! I am asking you to consider how you can make more space for you to be who you are in your life as a Mother. I want to remind myself that it is safe and supported for me to ask for what I want and to remember that I can use my own pain and lack of love to transmute my past suffering into light. I truly wish the very same for us all.

The light of truth redeems the Martyr Mother. Freedom to be all that we are now (as Mothers) returns us to balance as we find our own wholeness. I hereby grant myself permission to be fierce and self-devoted as well as nurturing and compassionate.

5 Principles to applying boundaries with family over Christmas

By | Heart Magic | No Comments

Principle #1) No Role- Playing

For many highly sensitives and empaths our ability to sense and perceive the emotional needs of others – can directly translate into performing the function or role or fulfilling those needs. This is our gift and we are amazing at doing it, unfortunately if we feel compelled to do this we rob ourselves of the freedom and joy of simply being who we are behind the roles we can fill. Performing roles to accommodate and serve others can steal our ability to be present and experience Christmas in a way that can reach our hearts. I’d love to invite you to perceive if you are potentially role-playing to help someone else… and the more awareness you have of when you are doing this, will give your more power to choose if it is actually something that you want to choose to offer or not.

Principle #2) Self-Love

For many of us the deep-seated need to be loved can high-jack our ability to feel free enough to not fulfil the needs for others by ‘playing roles’. Accomodating others can be highly rewarded with praise, presents, companionship, inclusion or compliments! So if we choose to not serve in this way, we can fear the love we need being retracted or taken away. It’s this fear of ‘losing love’ that can actually lock us into a compulsive ‘role-playing’ position. Developing our ability to offer ourselves the love we seek and graciously receive it can over time give us the power to honor ourselves and revoke the need to role-playing to accommodate others in our lives.

Principle #3) Self-Honor

Self-honoring is all about our capacity to back ourselves: To know our own code of conduct, and live it. When we stand in our own integrity and congruently uphold our own beliefs we feel a sense of power and freedom. Being too accommodating towards others detracts from our ability to live true to ourselves. If we role-play to fulfil the needs of others in order to receive love – we are ultimately stealing from ourselves in a way that erodes trust and rapport within ourselves.

Principle #4) Walk Away

Being highly attuned to energy and emotion can put us in high alert over Christmas, leaving us potentially feeling fearful and apprehensive of the family skirmishes that can so easily unfold at this time of year. Drama can be mezmerising, it can steal our attention and draw us in… Nevertheless, if your heart cannot safely be near emotional conflict – we can remind ourselves that we do have the ability to move away. Moving away from conversations, places or people that detract from our peace is a necessity. The emotional ramification of attempting to tolerate drama to ‘keep the peace’ bears an emotional toll that can take hours or days to recover from. Removing ourselves from anything that doesn’t support us (where possible) allows us to seek out the friends and family members who can love, honor and support us to enjoy a magical Christmas.

Principle #5) Tell the truth

We can feel and hold so much tension by ‘buying into’ the conversation everyone has around us over Christmas. The emotional roller coaster that is subscribing to the drama and perceptions of others can chew up all of our good vibes, drain our energy and leaves our souls feeling like they are dripping onto the ground. I love reminding myself that I can simply let people see things the way they see them, I can witness how they are perceiving and lovingly speak the truth to myself (within my own mind and heart). Our relationship with ourselves can become overruled by the strong dominate opinions of others. So, let’s support and honor others to see things how they will, and lovingly return to tell ourselves the truth and hold ourselves in deep self honor.

Lifestyle Audit for a Happy Heart

By | Heart Magic | No Comments

With our extended hours of sunlight bliss we seek to joyfully step outside into the glories of nature and swathe ourselves with opportunities to mingle with all the people we love. But at the same time that we open our hearts to connect we can open ourselves to overwhelm. Here are 4 tips for you to audit your lifestyle so that you can have the happiest summer yet!

Less commitment = more presence

It can be tempting to capitalise on a smorgasbord of social delectable’s and unknowingly stuff your plate until the flavour of each event is lost in a sea of busyness. Being mindful to select the events that are most important to us allows us to calmly arrive, soak up the atmosphere and be fully present to bask in the joy of the occasion.

Invest love in those who love you

It’s incredibly hurtful to realise that some of our friends and family members are simply not in an emotional place to return the love we extend to them. Being able to recognise if the equilibrium in a relationship is out of balance means we can gauge how much or how less to invest ourselves in these relationships.

Balance active social time with quiet down-time

For every hour you are active and social, it can create balance by giving ourselves the same amount of time to relax and recuperate. Too much of a good thing decreases our ability to enjoy it. Be mindful to watch the hours of activity and balance them with hours of calm and rest.

Be honest with those you love

It’s often those closest to us that we can hide our true feelings from. Being open to speak more honestly with those we trust and know we can confide in allows us to feel seen, heard and cared for. Truly connecting heart to heart is one of the most powerful forms of love there is.

May this summer be filled with special connections; love returned and balanced social calendar that your heart will love.

Enjoying intimacy more fully

By | Heart Magic | No Comments

I feel like I cracked the proverbial code when it comes to truly enjoying the intimate moments I share with my husband. Oh yes I am talking about this! I will not however be talking about the physicality or physiology of intimacy. I want to talk about the innate resistance women have to receive.

Our generous nurturing hearts have an amazing capacity to perceive needs, nurture life and offer love – which means we are phenomenal at GIVING LOVE! And in order to be truly magnificent GIVERS of LOVE – We need to also become magnificent RECEIVERS of LOVE.

Why, you may ask?

I’ve heard so many women express how much they want their partner, husband or wife to feel how much they love them! We naturally want others to be able to fully receive our love for them.

The barrier to GIVING POWERFUL LOVE is actually our willingness to RECEIVE POWERFUL LOVE. I love teaching the the mirror concept – Put simply…

What we give unto others, we give to ourselves

OR

What we give unto ourselves we give to others

So, by our own willingness to open to receive love, we lead those around us to know how much love they too can receive.

I’ve realised that when I only try to offer my husband pleasure and enjoyment – I limit his pleasure and enjoyment. As I allow myself to truly receive and revel in the pleasure and enjoyment I feel – He mirrors this back to me and truly allows himself to truly receive and revel in the pleasure and enjoyment he feels.

May we allow ourselves to receive the love, pleasure and enjoyment we long for those we love.

Raising highly sensitive children

By | Heart Magic | No Comments

Highly sensitive children (and their adult versions) feel all of their feelings very deeply. Their awareness is heightened not only to emotion, but also to light and sound. Highly sensitive children commonly have additional gifts of empathy, intuition or psychic abilities which mean they are privy to far more information than is common for their young peers.

Highly sensitive children often shy away from social activities and prefer to avoid crowds because they feel everything so deeply. Their strong emotional responses to what they experience can often be judged and ridiculed by those who don’t understand the nature of their reality. This can often mean that being highly sensitive is perceived as a ‘problem’ when I personally believe it is a gift. Here are 7 guiding principles to enhance the trust and understanding between you and your highly sensitive child.

Principle #1) Tell them the truth: They know when someone is lying or attempting to deceive them.

Principles #2) Acknowledge their feelings: Trying to ‘stop’ highly sensitive children from feeling intensely will only cause their feelings to escalate and create more distress.

Principles #3) Honor their needs: Where possible honouring their needs will support highly sensitive children. If they want to stay at home, close the curtains, turn lights off/ leave them on… They are attuned to their sensitivity and asking for what they need.

Principle #4) Give them choices: Forcing highly sensitive children to do something they don’t want to – may seem to work in the short run… but it will create a brittleness that will cause larger problems later on.

Principle #5) Admit your true feelings: When a highly sensitive child can see you bravely and accurately expressing your feelings they feel safer feeling their own feelings.

Principle #6) Acknowledge their wisdom: Being willing to learn from your highly sensitive child will support them to recognise the innate value of the truth they are here to share.

Principle #7) Recognise their gifts: Even if you don’t understand or believe what your child is expressing – being willing to ‘hear’ them helps to confirm their perception feel valid and real.

Inspire Shining

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Telling someone else to shine, without showing them our shining… Is like frowning while telling someone else to smile.

We tell them to shine because we know how beautiful it looks and how wonderful it feels, but when we bow to our inner resistance and refuse to shine ourselves we re-enforce the idea that it’s not safe and that it’s not allowed.

It’s like we frown while telling them to smile because we’re afraid that if we did smile they might think we’re trying to rub it in that we are happier than they are.

There is a massive fear around letting ourselves shine. We are afraid to let ourselves be seen as the bright, beautiful  and outrageously lovable people we truly are. We fear that if we truly shone in our own light, that some people might think we are trying to prove how much better we think we are compared to them!

The truth is that we all learned to dim our light because we saw so few people shining when we were younger.

I know you know that shining in your own way, gives others the fullest sense of permission to know they too can be who they are and shine as they do. May we embody the sage advice we would share with others, and radiate the truth that as we shine, we unconsciously give permission for others to do the same.

MARRIAGE PROTOCOL

By | Heart Magic | No Comments

I’m a huge believer that my marriage is the powerful foundation from which all of my other blessings flow! When I’m in a beautiful space with my husband – I’m a better Mother, I’m a kinder friend, I’m more successful in my business even…

My parents did their very best, and while it ended in divorce – I felt like I gained my Mother and Father back once they actually separated…

I have used their relationship to really establish protocol which requires a high level of commitment because I’ve honestly had enough ‘relationship difficulty’ in my lifetime to say I’m sweet to avoid that stuff myself. I am committed to a beautiful marriage!

These are going to be straight up and they work for ME & MY HUBBY. So please, this is in no way a blue-print for successful relationships… I guess I just felt to express how deeply important my marriage is to me and the lengths that I am willing to go to in order to ensure it gets the highest level of devotion from me in my life.

___________________________________________________

:: When I have something I want to discuss I let him know so that we can both make the time and space to talk about it.

:: I always tell him when he has unknowingly upset me – I respect it was unintentional and I prefer to let him know while I’m still upset so that we can both learn from it for next time.

:: When my husband is finding it hard to talk about something – I know he needs time to process and reflect alone. Once he has his space, he can share his thoughts and feelings much easier (That took ages for me to get!)

:: When I’m really upset, I block everything and everyone out and walk away – What I’m really saying is: “I’m really scared, I don’t know what to do – Please hug me and hold me till I move through it” – Ahh tearing up writing this one! While I cry/scream and walk away – Hubby knows that is ‘cue-time’ for “CUDDLE ME DAMMIT!”

:: I never keep secrets from my husband in any form (All money expenditure is discussed openly, purchases are mutually agreed on – All of our money is shared and always ‘ours’) When my husband or I do not want to reveal something to one another – We always make ourselves reveal it – which has been SO scary over the years! But it’s created space for mercy, forgiveness and compassion for both of us! This has already saved our marriage more than 15 times over…

:: We totally do the – ‘Don’t go to sleep until it is resolved, cleared and understood’ – Yes that means sometimes we don’t get to sleep until 1, 2, or 3am… Less sleep on a clear heart is WAY better for us than more sleep on hurt feelings.

:: I never speak bad about my hubby to anyone (He does the same)! This is HUGE for us! If I don’t like something – I fully save it in my pocket and wait till we have time together to share it with him – He is the only one who can do anything to improve the situation.

:: Lastly, I believe that the purpose of a relationship is to heal, grow and expand together. There are no relationships that glide together effortlessly without communication, learning and compromise! The sooner we got busy establishing these protocols for our marriage the sooner it improved and we didn’t need to work so much on it!

:: I still invest 1-3 hours daily talking with my husband, catching up on our lives together and bringing forward anything that needs to be mutually agreed or discussed together!

Healing turned me full circle

By | Heart Magic | No Comments

:: Being abandoned taught me to stay with others no matter what they were feeling… Until I learned to let myself walk away when I needed to.

:: Being unheard taught me to listen to every voice… Until I learned to ignore the people, and perspectives of those who would derail my vision.

:: Being unloved taught me to embrace, accept and comfort anyone before me… Until I learned to let go of those who are not right for me.

:: Being unseen taught me to truly partake and drink in the full presence of every soul… Until I learned to close my eyes to the problems that aren’t mine, and ignore that which is outside of my sphere.

We are liberated from our pain
as choose to wisely use
that which once hurt us
to free us