5 Principles to applying boundaries with family over Christmas

By December 10, 2016Heart Magic

Principle #1) No Role- Playing

For many highly sensitives and empaths our ability to sense and perceive the emotional needs of others – can directly translate into performing the function or role or fulfilling those needs. This is our gift and we are amazing at doing it, unfortunately if we feel compelled to do this we rob ourselves of the freedom and joy of simply being who we are behind the roles we can fill. Performing roles to accommodate and serve others can steal our ability to be present and experience Christmas in a way that can reach our hearts. I’d love to invite you to perceive if you are potentially role-playing to help someone else… and the more awareness you have of when you are doing this, will give your more power to choose if it is actually something that you want to choose to offer or not.

Principle #2) Self-Love

For many of us the deep-seated need to be loved can high-jack our ability to feel free enough to not fulfil the needs for others by ‘playing roles’. Accomodating others can be highly rewarded with praise, presents, companionship, inclusion or compliments! So if we choose to not serve in this way, we can fear the love we need being retracted or taken away. It’s this fear of ‘losing love’ that can actually lock us into a compulsive ‘role-playing’ position. Developing our ability to offer ourselves the love we seek and graciously receive it can over time give us the power to honor ourselves and revoke the need to role-playing to accommodate others in our lives.

Principle #3) Self-Honor

Self-honoring is all about our capacity to back ourselves: To know our own code of conduct, and live it. When we stand in our own integrity and congruently uphold our own beliefs we feel a sense of power and freedom. Being too accommodating towards others detracts from our ability to live true to ourselves. If we role-play to fulfil the needs of others in order to receive love – we are ultimately stealing from ourselves in a way that erodes trust and rapport within ourselves.

Principle #4) Walk Away

Being highly attuned to energy and emotion can put us in high alert over Christmas, leaving us potentially feeling fearful and apprehensive of the family skirmishes that can so easily unfold at this time of year. Drama can be mezmerising, it can steal our attention and draw us in… Nevertheless, if your heart cannot safely be near emotional conflict – we can remind ourselves that we do have the ability to move away. Moving away from conversations, places or people that detract from our peace is a necessity. The emotional ramification of attempting to tolerate drama to ‘keep the peace’ bears an emotional toll that can take hours or days to recover from. Removing ourselves from anything that doesn’t support us (where possible) allows us to seek out the friends and family members who can love, honor and support us to enjoy a magical Christmas.

Principle #5) Tell the truth

We can feel and hold so much tension by ‘buying into’ the conversation everyone has around us over Christmas. The emotional roller coaster that is subscribing to the drama and perceptions of others can chew up all of our good vibes, drain our energy and leaves our souls feeling like they are dripping onto the ground. I love reminding myself that I can simply let people see things the way they see them, I can witness how they are perceiving and lovingly speak the truth to myself (within my own mind and heart). Our relationship with ourselves can become overruled by the strong dominate opinions of others. So, let’s support and honor others to see things how they will, and lovingly return to tell ourselves the truth and hold ourselves in deep self honor.

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